I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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