you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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