i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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