I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
