i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
