I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
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