I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
