somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Pooping to opera.
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