also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
