i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
