he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
being pregnant is like rehab
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
