Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
