ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I have fence marks all over my body
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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