my sisters under your porch take her home
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
