College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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