Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
