On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
