What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
