Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
