3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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