The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
if only i could text you this smell
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
