Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
