her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
