My friends, they love my intelligence
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
