After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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