He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
