i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
