I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
