I'm going to jail i love you
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
