His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
