of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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