hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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