So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
