Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Randomize
