i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
