Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
