my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
