he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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