Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
