There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
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