there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
