I am in a vortex of obligation.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
