What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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