last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Couch. On fire.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
