Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
