I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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