Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
