@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
