TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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