I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
