There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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